Saturday, February 03, 2007

Notes are Theories, theories are notes.

so i've been thinking about guilt a lot lately and wondering where it fits into my life . as anyone who knows me will know i have a preoccupation with guilt, a preoccupation that is worse than any catholic you'll have meet and i haven't even been to a church service a day in my life. wierd? i know! lately it's been bugging more often than not and i've been wondering how i came to let myself be ruled by such a murky and cloudy emotion and mood as guilt. how i allowed myself to rational it has part of some white mans burden. i've been thinking about it and came up with a couple of little theories or thoughts about guilt. there just thoughts and will be left as that. nothing less or more.


In analysing my guilt i've come to realise that a lot of it is actually paranoid or imagined guilt. that a lot of it stems from my worry and concern about pleasing other people and what i think they feel or should feel. of course naturally no one feels how i feel and no one feels how i imagine they should and so when that happens i'm left with a hole to fill and well this hole is guilt. and over time this whole becomes increasingly filled until it's overflowing and i'm left with this dark murky cloud surrounding me.


having been involved around the fringes of activist circles and politics for a couple of years i'm often left wondering how much of politics and society is based on creating feelings of guilt and worthlessness in others. that as activist our motivation came from the assumption that other people don't think or feel that way and they need to be made to feel guilty about that. the probably with this then comes if this is the sole motivation of a persons action then they may never give there all or give up some of that control and power.


Essentially I see Guilt as a control mechanism implemented or instrumented by the Judeao-Christian western world i live in. It's an institution that runs as deep now as it did 2000 years ago when christ died even though the capitialist society in which we live is meant to be secular. we learn to act guilty or feel guilty because we are told that this or that is not right and when we do something that flags those constructed walls of emotion we fill this with guilt.

so there you go some notes on a theory of guilt.
read them. there's more to think and rework. what's yr take on the topic?


Blogger rosa sparx said...

the headings say it all -

guilt and paranoia -

"i'm left with a hole to fill and well this hole is guilt" - so what is there left to do but fill it with...

arrogance and control...

so the question is, how to free yourself from guilt?

& stop blaming jesus for all your problems!!

5:11 AM  
Blogger paradigm said...

and the answer is i don't know.

accept that things change.

that life is ups and downs and flows and that its fine to fuck up and that every point of view is valued and something you can learn from.

to accept that change is natural and allow it to happen.

take responsibilty for ones action and not put it or project it onto others.

the list could go on and on.

but i'm tired.

alternatively just write a post on your blog or in a diary and let it out there.

you can transform it into art or something as well

5:45 AM  

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